There’s a history of incest in my family. Some of my family members even married eachother. How do I get over this?
Um, I don’t think it’s awesome. I’m really embarrassed about it.
You feel embarrassed because incest is seen as a sign of stupidity, perversion and shame in our society. You feel associated with the incest behavior of your family, even though it is not your fault and you did not choose to do it. You might get angry at them because they did it, and it might affect your life or reputation. You are afraid that, because your family would be seen as bad, it might stain you. So even though you are clean, being in the same family makes you seem dirty.
You cannot change your family, you cannot wipe out their actions, and you can’t prevent other people from having their opinions about it. But there is something you can do.
Make your own choices without letting your family’s reputation alter your behavior. Choose not to be a victim of anyone else’s life path. Whatever they did doesn’t have to ruin your life, or affect it other than just being something you know about – a curiosity, or an interesting footnote in someone’s diary, a history lesson.
Lead your own life, and learn, both from your family’s choices, and everyone else’s. You can’t pretend it didn’t happen, so use it as a learning tool in creating your own life. Rise above it and make your personal history something to be proud of.
Remember, everyone is human, everyone makes choices at many points in their lives. Use the experiences of your family to help you make your own choices, instead of letting their past behavior rule your life. Make plans for your future without shame or condemning your family. Forgive them, or it will be a thorn in your side forever. Then you can move on.
You don’t get over it. You accept that it has happened in your family. You make the choice not to do it. You are not what your family is. You are very different from your family and you don’t have to internalize their mistakes. You seek therapy for yourself so you can learn to love yourself as you are. You also do it to help with memories of your past that are not your fault but are a burden to you. You have the choice to rise above your family and become whatever you want. Love yourself and know that you are not your family.
Have limited contact with the family members that engage in this practice. Strengthen your boundaries. Be prepared to confront boundary violations tactfully and report abuse if it occurs. Never leave your children alone with one of your family members and urge others in your family not to as well. I recommend you find a counselor with experience in the area of incest and working on boundaries.
You have to look at it from a different stand point. Of course it’s wrong but why is it wrong? Well genetically it is very wrong. But for two people who love each other to be together isn’t wrong. You will never get closure from this situation if you see it as being anything other than genetically wrong. But when you see it as two people who love each other getting married, it’s easier to handle.
And by the way, the ones who have done this most likely don’t see themselves as relatives. They see it differently too.
This is completely normal to be embarrassed about. I even had someone in my family try to get me to commit incest but gladly they accepted my views and no longer bothered me with it. Have you ever considered talking with the people in your family who commit incest or those who are married and asked WHY they chose this life?
Are they aware that you are embarrassed?
Have you ever gotten into an disagreement over this and do they know that you feel badly about this?
I think it might be impossible for you to get over this in reality because this is your family and you have to live with this everyday but it does help to talk to someone about it in the family if you haven’t already.
Are you sure the family members that married are actually doing incest? If they are cousins it is not really incest as cousins are allowed to legally marry in most of the world including about half of the states in USA.
If they are more closely related, like bro/sis, dad/dau, etc. they could not be legally married. If they are doing incest, you do not have much choice but to accept it, they probably would not appreciate your interference in their life. I suggest you just concentrate of the good parts of your life and family.
You feel embarrassed because incest is seen as a sign of stupidity, perversion and shame in our society. You feel associated with the incest behavior of your family, even though it is not your fault and you did not choose to do it. You might get angry at them because they did it, and it might affect your life or reputation. You are afraid that, because your family would be seen as bad, it might stain you. So even though you are clean, being in the same family makes you seem dirty.
You cannot change your family, you cannot wipe out their actions, and you can’t prevent other people from having their opinions about it. But there is something you can do.
Make your own choices without letting your family’s reputation alter your behavior. Choose not to be a victim of anyone else’s life path. Whatever they did doesn’t have to ruin your life, or affect it other than just being something you know about – a curiosity, or an interesting footnote in someone’s diary, a history lesson.
Lead your own life, and learn, both from your family’s choices, and everyone else’s. You can’t pretend it didn’t happen, so use it as a learning tool in creating your own life. Rise above it and make your personal history something to be proud of.
Remember, everyone is human, everyone makes choices at many points in their lives. Use the experiences of your family to help you make your own choices, instead of letting their past behavior rule your life. Make plans for your future without shame or condemning your family. Forgive them, or it will be a thorn in your side forever. Then you can move on.
Just stay positive in life i guess? :]
Okay history means past, its not right now. so move on.
You don’t get over it. You accept that it has happened in your family. You make the choice not to do it. You are not what your family is. You are very different from your family and you don’t have to internalize their mistakes. You seek therapy for yourself so you can learn to love yourself as you are. You also do it to help with memories of your past that are not your fault but are a burden to you. You have the choice to rise above your family and become whatever you want. Love yourself and know that you are not your family.
Have limited contact with the family members that engage in this practice. Strengthen your boundaries. Be prepared to confront boundary violations tactfully and report abuse if it occurs. Never leave your children alone with one of your family members and urge others in your family not to as well. I recommend you find a counselor with experience in the area of incest and working on boundaries.
You have to look at it from a different stand point. Of course it’s wrong but why is it wrong? Well genetically it is very wrong. But for two people who love each other to be together isn’t wrong. You will never get closure from this situation if you see it as being anything other than genetically wrong. But when you see it as two people who love each other getting married, it’s easier to handle.
And by the way, the ones who have done this most likely don’t see themselves as relatives. They see it differently too.
i would advise you to stop thinking of it
what was done may not be right but do not let it ruin your life
This is completely normal to be embarrassed about. I even had someone in my family try to get me to commit incest but gladly they accepted my views and no longer bothered me with it. Have you ever considered talking with the people in your family who commit incest or those who are married and asked WHY they chose this life?
Are they aware that you are embarrassed?
Have you ever gotten into an disagreement over this and do they know that you feel badly about this?
I think it might be impossible for you to get over this in reality because this is your family and you have to live with this everyday but it does help to talk to someone about it in the family if you haven’t already.
Are you sure the family members that married are actually doing incest? If they are cousins it is not really incest as cousins are allowed to legally marry in most of the world including about half of the states in USA.
If they are more closely related, like bro/sis, dad/dau, etc. they could not be legally married. If they are doing incest, you do not have much choice but to accept it, they probably would not appreciate your interference in their life. I suggest you just concentrate of the good parts of your life and family.
Go far place and stay away from your family if you can no longer take it
HEY! I KNEW you looked funny…